the insomnia is getting really out of control.
havent hallucinated much (that i was aware of) though.
depressive thought holes and suicidal thoughts definately high.
havent really done much for impulses lately but that because i usu try to stick to “positive” constructive ones and havent had the money
relationships definately out of control assuming ive not been neglectful of them entirely.
really wish i had money because then i could buy nice things to distract me from how shit i feel.
positive note though, my disability application has been oddly speedy, usually that stuff takes months? about 2 weeks and theyve already sent me the forms to send to my psych and my doctor. hopefully this means ill get accepted and speedily too. i dont make enough money to live comfortably (and by that i mean not having to prioritize things and then not having whatever it is that is bottom of the list, which is usually food because im so used to homelessness/being crazy poor that i am used to not eating 3 times a day and my stomach has shrunk down again). hopefully all goes swimmingly and i can afford to eat abundantly again.
people say to stay alive, but what for? whats the point of being alive if youre barely alive or suffering? if its inhumane to starve dogs and isolate them and make them fight eachother, why is my life not deemed inhumane? why do i not have the option to end my life in a way that doesnt hurt?
people treat animals horribly, but compared to how people treat the mentally ill, dogs in kennels have it easy.